You are not wired like me

Can't you see,
that you are not wired like me?

You will never know
the terror that I face,
the horror I feel,
the ugliness,
YOU say is not there.

Those of you
who are not like me
are blind, you see.

You, who are not wired like me,
will never believe,
in the evil
that envelops
and controls
takes me to places
I never wanted to be.

I feel the ugliness of the world.
the lies, cheating, hitting slapping
hurting murdering rending of
the soul,
that happens each day.
I look at you and know
what will be in our lives.
In the short span of time,
when I our lives intertwine,
be it good,
be it bad,
be it betrayal
be it mad.

I can feel what you are going to
do to me.
I can see, in advance,
because I see your heart,
your reason for being in my life.

Those that are not wired like me,
will never see,
or believe,
that what I feel, know, see,
is very very real.

Those that are not wired like me,
tell me I am all wrong.
I am all mixed up
My brain is not working right.
And you think yours is?

Do you care at all,
those in the world
that hurt
betrayed
rioted
raped
cannot escape
the hatred of the heart
of this world.

Because we are not wired
like you?
I am below you
I am wrong,
takes these pills
it will be all gone.
WRONG!

It only waits,
this evil twin,
until a time
when she can be
released. Her anger
strenghten, her
rage knows no bounds
at the attempt to control
her existence--from me.

I am the guardian,
or shell if you please.
Of the anger of this
world,
I am not wired like you.

You do not have the ability
to shine
in the madness that
everyone tries to hide.
From each other,
themselves,
it all comes out in us,
because you cannot
face what is real.

I am only a reflection
of what you try to hide
from
behind

My madness is real
it is truer than you
my anger is justified
my rage avenged

I am only a shell
that carries the
evil of this world
That will not be denied.

Can't you see,
that what I go thru
is because of you!

When the world is away
from me
and I can't hear or see
the ugliness it shows
My evil twin is not
as strong.

My only fault,
is that I cannot
constantly push
the meanness
pain
hurt
away.

It stays within
until it can no longer be restrained.
And she shows her face.
Releases her rage
until it is all spent.
Then this guardian,
this shell,
must be there to try to fix
all she has wrought, in the
life of the guardian.
To face those that say
I am the one not right!

Those that are not wired
like me,
cannot, nor will never see.

The rage, terror, madness
loneliness of being me.
You fear what you don't know.
You hide from what you don't like.
You lie about what you don't want known.

I am a guardian,
a shell
that carries
the heart of this world.
And she is ugly.
Like you.
Those who are not wired like me.